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This page was a long in-the-making counterpoint to a conversation between Eve and Will, where Eve suggests early infatuation is a mirage next to the real struggle of a relationship. Currently Eve is stalled out in this department, while Jane holds something new and inexplicable to both of them. Eve is going to have a tough time submitting to that kind of uncertainty – getting out of the way to let something happen – but this may be the beginning of acknowledging what isn’t working. |
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This one has stuck with me for years for two reasons.
First, Jane just completely barrelling into explaining her life to Eve without Eve saying a thing. Just this total confessionalism, reflecting the real desire to be seen and understood as we see and understand ourselves, without regard for how others want to see and understand us.
Jane's understanding here – that love is arbitrary – also resonates loud and clear to me. I am perfectly capable of complaining when people are attracted to things about me that I either dislike or don't believe are true, but why am I the authority on me? This takes the appearance of an explanation but it's Star Trek level non-explanations, adding words to fill in for a lack of comprehensibility. People like me in a way and for reasons that I can't understand, and I like them in ways or for reasons they can't understand, and sometimes this creates a stable structure and sometimes it doesn't. Just because I can point to which parts of a house of cards support the others doesn't mean that I have a good understanding as to why throwing a deck of cards in the air sometimes creates a pile and sometimes creates a house. Admitting this lack of control over our own lives is scary but necessary.
I'd love to have a print of this page to try and make myself believe it.